On Being ME!

Hey All

I really wanted to Audioboo yesterday because yesterday was my birthday. But, somehow the brainstorming session lead to this blog post. I have completed 24 years of my lifetime on Planet Earth without any sort of Alien Abduction craps! With zillions of job applications & rejections for almost 1 and half years, I really didn’t know how to react for my birthday???

Many people wished me good … Family, friends, couple of people whom I really don’t know who the heck they are … One call really moved me! I felt so proud!

Here’s the thing … When I interact with people, I’m asked the same questions again and again. Like, “Do you have cold or something?” or “Are you havin’ soar throat?” For which, I always answer “NO!” because for simple reason I don’t have them! Duh!

I called my best friend yesterday. I was pumped up to talk to him again after almost 3 months. We had a great chat and when it was time to end our telephonic conversation, he asked me “Ridwan, What’s bothering you? I know your voice! What’s going on?” I was stunned! He’s in Chennai and I’m in London.  My best friend was able to read my mind by just listening to my voice. Many people have some theories about me. But, my best friend knows me better than anybody else because I’m never afraid to “be myself” around him.  And, that conversation made my day!

I learned, with lots of social programming out there! I will always have my best friend to be just ME!

PS: That was clicked right after a good hair-cut and a hot bath!

Positivity or Actions

Few days ago, I did a post on being positive and kinda carried away with that “boasting” time when I penned down my thoughts. I wanted this post to be a critical one with that idyllic euphoria of “Attitude is everything” scribble.

Maybe this positive thinking does have some effect on our physiology. Although our conscious mind is aware that the underlying emotions are pretty much congruent with the reality, but we are always taught to dress the wounds without treating the actual cause. To put it on skeptical terms, this “Positive Thinking” is a cheap “legal high”!

So, what did this “legal high” has done to me in the last couple of days? Well, to be honest, I kinda felt better. I did some stuff which even now I still get some butterflies in my stomach viz., using the telephone! For a stutterer, it’s pretty daunting. But, my audacity of hope that I will do better, did manage to get me an interview for a part-time job as a “Customer Service Assistant”. Now, to be critical, does that mean I didn’t face any setback? Nope, I did stutter pretty heavily when I did that cold-calling because I didn’t know what to expect from those people? Imagine the situation like going to a battlefield with your hands tied. I was in that kinda situation. Whatever, I felt much better after every call. I kinda became narcissitic!!!

Jokes apart, you guys gotta try out this “feeling good about yourself” thing. It’s there within us. Just like how we could miss out the SMS alert tone of an important text message, yet taking the necessary steps as directed by that message when we find about it later. We need these kinds of little “hope” shots to see what we might have missed out and take some actions to steer us back to our goals.

All in all, it was a rough week with just one good thing. But, hey, this positivity coupled with a definite action-plan could do something in our lives. Even though, it’s tough to maintain during a rough patch.

I’m still skeptical whether to ascribe this little success entirely to my positivity (like all the “Attitude is everything” fellas ), when my actions have done the trick.

What do you think? Positivity or Actions? Which is the right thing?

The Much Needed Paradigm Shift

Hey All! Finally, it’s November and the year end is around the corner. Traveling down my memory lane, 2009 was a sorta “I don’t know, what’s going on?” kinda year for me. But, for our family, this was an important year. My sister’s marriage was held on 28^th May in Kilakarai, Tamil Nadu, India.

The reason what made to write about this entire year is not because Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44^th President of the USA or the UK fell into recession or the world in general; the actual reason is to have a self-introspection on my thinking processes itself. When I analyze my entire thought process in the year 2009, to be blunt, I was pretty much demotivated and frustrated with my job hunt. Unconsciously, I started to beating myself up and throwing away many things which I possessed and grateful for viz., my dad’s optimism, confidence, goal-oriented, ability to inspire people around me, and my very own writing skills.

Man, sometimes even Panthera tigris needs someone to tell him that he is majestic, fierce and commanding on the outside, yet noble and discerning on the inside. Yesterday, I had a moment for that sorta introspection on my thought process after a chat with my friend, Pam (@stutterrockstar). The session was little over an hour. During that time, I had a mock interview, some thought-provoking questionnaires to answer and few other baby-steps en route for my job pursuit.

So what did I learn from the session? First things first, I got the much needed paradigm shift. I realized that there is no use in whining about how bad things are and the rejections that I get quite often. I realized that, there is a connection between my thought processes and the actions that I take based on those thoughts. I realized that, there is really a buffer where I can make a choice to be proactive and positive.

Therefore, on this very new month of November 2009. I have made a commitment to be proactive, confident and optimistic as usual. Moreover, this pledges to myself; I guess, will enable me to experience the adrenaline and an interesting blog post in month-end. So, let us wait and watch the play.

Sales Trainee – Is this the job that I want?

A couple of days ago, I applied for a Sales & Marketing job based here in Glasgow. I was not pretty sure whether I wanted this job or not. But, I applied for it. You know, just to see whether my CV is in the interview-winning format or just a piece of junk. Anyways, I got a call from that company on Monday 26^th October. They said they wanted to have an informal chat to find out about me and give me an opportunity to find out them. So, the interview was setup on Tuesday 27^th October at 1:20 PM. Since the job was all about Sales & Marketing, you need to be formal, smart and presentable; I was very formal in my attire. And, what really freaked me out is that the other interviewees were in semi-formal or casual attire! I was like George Carlin amongst the College of Cardinals!!!

So, what happened to that interview? As usual, I got DUMPED!!!  The funny part is that when the HR person called me to say that my application will not be taken forward and blah blah blah; I replied “OK thanks, I’m speaking to my aunt right now. No problems, Thanks!” and hung up. After a couple of minutes, I realized that I didn’t ask them why my application was not taken forward. But, I just shrugged and said myself “Whatever!!!”

And, how really did I perform in the interview? I think I did a reasonably good job. I talked about my background, qualifications, skills and transferable experiences that I have; which could fit me into the job. Basically, I tried to reproduce the “Job Description” with what I have to offer for the company.

I pretty much had all the trite questions of an interview. There were 2 questions which really made me excited and I kinda talked a lot about those. One was about “Living in Scotland” and the other was about my recent interest in “Blogging”. I coupled the answers and talked about my Scottish Highlands Tour post in the blog and what all I learned, stuttering and our twitter group and blah blah blah. I guess, the interviewer was quite impressed. But still; bottom line: – Nothing Happened! I was rejected!

On October, 25 2009 I received a caring and warm advice from my friend, Pam (@stutterrockstar) and my Dad  also says the same thing viz., to stay positive and focus on what I want and all those usual tit-bits and pep-talk. Basically, I am an optimistic guy and I am really overwhelmed and grateful for all those love and affection that I receive from the people whom I know. But, nothing is working!!!

I tried to make this post to be sarcastic and funny. But, my emotions are still raw and vetoed. Yet, I am optimistic without a cinch of doubt! So! What am I gonna do now? Business as usual! Keep applying for the jobs & keep hoping for a break!!! Cheers!!!

Scottish Graduate Fair – A new beginning or just a mundane affair!

Hey Ya!!!

Today was really an interesting day. The so-called highlight of the recruitment season, The Scottish Graduate Fair 2009 was held. I attended the fair, just like any other graduate who is desperate for a job. The majority of the fair exhibitors were the same guys from last year, whom I had met, spoken and applied to their graduate schemes. Since I knew about the companies and their graduate programs, it really didn’t excite me when they talked about their companies and opportunities for graduates. And, I found it very hard to stay motivated.

Anyways, it has been a long time since I have updated my Rejection Database. Here’s the latest list:-

#	Date	Job Title	Company
64	22/9/2009	Control Systems Trainee	Partners for Endoscopy Ltd
65	23/9/2009	Graduate Electronics Engineer	Firstco
66	25/9/2009	Trainee Machine Engineer	Watkiss Automation
67	25/9/2009	Trainee Electrical Engineer	Promtek Ltd
68	27/9/2009	Graduate Data Analyst	Understanding Recruitment
69	28/9/2009	Graduate Design Engineer	Go Escape Recruitment
70	29/9/2009	Graduate Engineer	Pipe Coil Technology Ltd
71	29/9/2009	Graduate Research Assistant	Aquamarine Power
72	1/10/2009	Apprentice Engineer	Assured Mobility Ltd
73	2/10/2009	Engineer	Peek Traffic Ltd
74	5/10/2009	Production Controller	Morson International
75	5/10/2009	Trainee Project Engineer	ATA Selection
76	5/10/2009	Instrumentation Engineer	Synergi
77	5/10/2009	Electrical Engineer	Scotrenewables Ltd
78	5/10/2009	Electronic Design Engineer	Honeywell
79	7/10/2009	Electronic Design Engineer	Partech
80	7/10/2009	Sales and Support Engineer	B&S Group Ltd
81	7/10/2009	Speculative Application	FMC Technologies
82	7/10/2009	Trainee Production Engineer	FPR Tech

I just don’t have much to write. Emotionally, I am in a big mess. But, I will come back! Well, whatever crazy things happen in my life; this insane thought of hope is at least there.

Fluency Hysteria

Hey Ya!

Few days ago, I read a wonderful blog post titled “Overcoming Stuttering” by my friend, Pam Mertz (@stutterrockstar). It’s a good analysis on how kids and teens could be programmed by the “I-overcame-my-stuttering” hogwash of the “media-made” famous people. And, I couldn’t disagree. It’s not only about kids & adolescence, even many adult stutterers fall prey for these kinda stuffs.

See, I don’t have any vendetta against the famous people whether they are stutterers or not. I admire them for their triumphs and victories. They motivate and inspire us to achieve against insurmountable odds; which is brilliant. But when it comes to “fluent speech”, is it possible? How many of the stutterers know that “fluent speech” is really a wrong goal and there is no scientific evidence to make it possible. It’s like climbing the ladder when it is actually leaning on the wrong wall. On the other hand, when fluent speech is the norm, the minds of stutterers undergo lots of pain and agony in regards with their speech. They automatically start to buy in to these kinds of false-hopes of fluent speech. And, it’s understandable.

How much ever I criticize the “fluent speech” notion, there is a part in me which yearns for the same. I enjoyed a great childhood and teenage, good education, great parents and siblings, wonderful family etc. Now, when all my carefree years are over and I hit the job market, it’s pretty daunting and I feel the pain. Apart from my qualifications, skills and experiences I understand that my stutter plays a pivotal role in the interview process. And at this time, I feel the pain about my speech impediment and think “Could this be the reason for my rejections?”

In spite all the negativity and put-downs, my stuttering actually made me an optimistic and a happy dude. I equate stuttering to the idea of “fate”. We all do that. When we achieve something, we say “I did it”. And, when we screw up, we say “Sometimes, Life Sucks!!!” and move on. Similarly, when we start to accept ourselves how we are and move forward. We get a life of abundance were we barely notice we stutter. (Unless, some dimwit points us! )

Finally, I too share my friend Pam’s concerns on getting out celebrities to talk about their successes with their stutters and not by giving an illusion that they succeeded by overcoming stuttering. I promise, I will never do that.

PS: I really didn’t know what title to be given for this blog post. I used this title because I think it summarizes the mental agony & hysteria that surrounds fluent speech among the stuttering clan; which in reality, pretty difficult to be established. I hope I have done justice in relating the blog post with the title.

Umm, it was a perambulatory meander

Well, Perambulation and Meander might be an oxymoron. But hey, those two GRE words perfectly describe my long walks around Glasgow’s City Center in the cold and windy Scottish weather.

For the past couple of days that was what I was doing. Hunting down for bread and (peanut) butter at recruitment agencies, retail outlets and café bars. There were few opportunities. And, hackneyed phrases like “things are quite slow now”, “it’s expected to be better soon”, “you have an impressive CV”, “if there are suitable opportunities we will definitely contact you” etc. These banal remarks became so ubiquitous that instead of listening to these kinds of bromidic sermons, I started to observe that person’s accent and guess whether it’s a Glaswegian accent or an Edinburgh accent or a London accent or a Welsh accent. It might sound saucy. But, it gives me a lotta comic material and probably I could use it somewhere.

Job Hunt, Stuttering and Nursery Rhymes

Hi hi hi hi Hi!

Yesterday, I wanted to do a blog post but I was quite busy and I was doing the same thing what I have done for a couple of months. So, here we go!

Yesterday, I had a telephonic interview for the “Controls Engineer” position with a small R&D company which specializes in Marine Engineering Systems. I had a great time talking to their company’s Managing and Technical Director, Chief Technology Office, Lead Electrical Engineer and to their Office Manager. I got to say this, it was fantabulous! They were looking for professionals with wide range of experience. But the funny part is that, they very well knew I am a recent graduate with minimal experience because they contacted me through an online job-search website and they wanted to talk to me about my qualifications, skills and experience. *Shrugs*. Well, this means that they were impressed with my CV and all I had to do is to reassure them that I am capable to handling greater responsibilities and a drive to succeed at workplace. So, I think I did impress them. They asked me about their competitors and I knew that they would do because I screwed up this question with another telephonic interview. And, I was prepared for that. Finally, I had the opportunity to ask them questions and I hit the bulls-eye. They were impressed with the question because it summarized my preparation for this telephonic interview. This is the question: “I wanted to know more about your Tidal Turbine System and how it looked. So, I googled, But, I could not find any information or pictures. I would like to know whether the system is in operation or is it still in the design phase.” They said “That’s a good question.” and started to explain about their system which is still in the design phase and yet to be prototyped. This gave me another opportunity to prove my candidature and how I, being a graduate engineer would be advantageous? All in all, it was a good ride. I did stutter here and there. But, it was not pretty intense. I phrased myself properly, giving lots of pauses and breaths. So, my stuttering really didn’t bother me and I hope, it didn’t bother them as well.

Regarding the Nursery Rhymes in the title, I had a great time singing my nursery school rhymes. It all started on Monday, I was having a chat with my friend in Norway (She calls me “little bro” and I call her “big sis” and Do I hafta ask her to sign a release form to say her name? I don’t know!). All of a sudden, our Skype went blank. Now, I didn’t know that she could hear me. I was bored at that time and I didn’t know what to do?. So, I started to sing the ABC rhymes and boy, I sucked! I got confused after “P Q R”. But, I managed to complete it. Then, she revealed that, she could hear me! We laughed out loud! Our conversation changed to Nursery Rhymes and I tried to sing all the famous ones but I could just remember 2 or 3 lines. It sucked!!!

Yesterday, we again talked about this topic and luckily we had a teacher to join us in the conversation. We wanted to ask her the full stanzas and also to join us in our singing endeavors. Well, she was quite reluctant at first. But soon, she joined in.

Some of the famous rhymes we tried out are:

• ABC song
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
• Jack and Jill
• Hot Cross Buns
• Here We Go Around the Mulberry Bush
• Johnny Johnny Yes Papa
• Humpty Dumpty
• London Bridge is Falling Down
• Baa Baa  Black Sheep

Oh my dear! We had a great time! I wish, we could have recorded it. Believe me, it was great!

Oh, I forgot about this. Today, I was over the phone talking a call center guy. I was pretty fluent and the moment when I gave myself a pat, I got a terrible block. And, the guy started to speak so slowly and also stepped up his volume. I thought to myself, Whatta jerk? Then, I started to speak really slowly which I assume; freaked him out and he again started to talk normally. I was just LOLing inside. It’s kinda fun because you think he is a dork and he thinks you are one!

That’s it for now! Take Care All!

A Call I Await & Calls I Made

Have you ever had some kind of jitters when you are expecting an important call which you want to do your very best. But, you end up receiving all nonsensical calls and emails which just aggravates  your metabolism. I was in that kind of situation all day long. I was supposed to get a telephonic interview today for “Controls Engineer” position with a small dynamic R&D renewable energy company (Well, that is what their website says! Duh!). Till now, I did not hear from them.

Hang On! I know, you are thinking; “Why don’t ya get off your chair and give them a call?” I did! Twice! No Response. The second time was the worst part. They lifted the call and hung up. Probably, too busy to answer! Whatever, I sent them an email and I will call them tomorrow and check it out.

Now regarding the calls I made, Today is the Eid in India. Talked to my parents, siblings and other family members. They are all having a good time just like I mentioned in my previous post. They are all happy, I am happy. And that’s it.

So Long,

Ridwan

Edit @ 4:14 PM 21/9/2009

Finally, I received the expected call at 3:55PM. *big sigh*

As matter of fact, their company is currently under re-branding. So, I understand that they will be quite busy with their office work. That’s OK! And, my telephonic interview is rescheduled tomorrow at 9:30am. I’m so looking forward to it.

By the way, I will be speaking to their Managing Director, Chief Technology Officer and Lead Electrical Engineer. Wow! I guess it will be a conference call. Cool! I’m pretty nervous but preparing pretty well too.

Job Rejections

The following are my job-rejection collections. In the coming days, I will be updating my rejection lists. Do remember that, I am will to jotting down the rejections for which I receive email and occasionally when I delete some junk emails from my Inbox. Also, I had applied for various jobs which I didn’t keep track  of.

So, Shall we start the Job Rejection Collection? *claps*

#	Date	Job Title	Company
1	14/10/2008	Control Engineer‏	Bateman Skilled & Technical Limited
2	4/11/2008	Commissioning Engineers – Electrical/ I&C/Mechanical	Siemens Ltd
3	5/11/2008	Instrumentation Engineer‏	Fugro
4	24/11/2008	Graduate Controls Engineer	Matchtech Group Plc
5	6/1/2009	Graduate Engineering Program	Marathon Oil
6	19/1/2009	Graduate Trainee‏	Aquidata Excel JV Ltd
7	13/2/2009	Graduate Engineering Program	PSN
8	25/2/2009	Graduate Engineering Program	Schlumberger
9	2/3/2009	Graduate Project Engineer	Witton Recruitment
10	18/3/2009	Graduate Engineer	Clyde Pumps
11	18/5/2009	Graduate – C&I Electrical Engineer	AMEC
12	14/6/2009	Engineering Graduate (Mechanical / Electrical / Electronic)	Tesco
13	15/6/2009	Graduate Test Engineer‏	ATA Selection
14	26/6/2009	Automation Engineer	Team 2000 International
15	27/6/2009	C&I Engineer	Sky Blue Solutions
16	7/7/2009	Project Engineer- Graduate	Raeburn Group Limited
17	7/7/2009	Electrical Engineer	Groveley Detection Limited
18	8/7/2009	Graduate Engineer (Electrical)	McAdam King Ltd
19	10/7/2009	Graduate Engineer	Delta Controls Ltd
20	27/7/2009	Graduate Engineer Production Controller/Scheduler	Simplefit Ltd
21	28/7/2009	I & C Engineer (Severn O & M contract)	Siemens Ltd
22	29/7/2009	Trainee Electrical Engineering Manager	A&T Services
23	29/7/2009	Graduate Sales Executive / Trainee Field Sales	Mandeville Group
24	29/7/2009	Enquiry for Work placement or Internship opportunity‏‏	Easymatics Ltd
25	30/7/2009	Graduate Electrical/Real Time Software Engineer	Otj Recruitment Ltd
26	30/7/2009	Engineering Leadership Programme Internship	National Instruments
27	31/7/2009	Enquiry for Work placement or Internship opportunity‏‏	Batch Control Systems Ltd
28	3/8/2009	Projects Sales Representative	Honeywell
29	4/8/2009	Graduate Engineer Placement Scheme	Pall Europe
30	4/8/2009	Graduate Systems Safety Engineer	GE
31	5/8/2009	Energy Sales Specialist	Honeywell
32	6/8/2009	PLC Engineer	Managed Recruitment Solutions
33	11/8/2009	Manufacturing Technician	Dales Pharmaceuticals
34	11/8/2009	Graduate Manufacturing Engineer	Advanced Selection Ltd.
35	17/8/2009	Graduate Engineer	Halliburton
36	20/8/2009	Graduate Research Assistant	Aquamarine Power
37	21/8/2009	Project Sales Representative	Honeywell
38	21/8/2009	Technical Assistant	Plant Integrity (Pi) Ltd
39	28/8/2009	Technical Assistant	Milsom
40	31/8/2009	Regional Graduate Engineer	Weatherford
41	1/9/2009	Graduate Field Service Engineer	Prime Appointments
42	1/9/2009	Graduate Design Engineer Electrical/Electro-mechanical	Escape Recruitment Services Ltd
43	1/9/2009	Internal Sales Engineer	PI (Physik Instrumente) Ltd
44	1/9/2009	Data Assistant	Calibre Recruitment
45	1/9/2009	International Engineering Gradutes (MENA)	HR GO Exectec
46	1/9/2009	Graduate Training Scheme	Faststream
47	2/9/2009	Global Trainee Program	Tenaris
48	3/9/2009	Automation Engineer	Ovec Systems Ltd
49	7/9/2009	Graduate Mechanical Design Engineer	AMS People
50	7/9/2009	Engineering Graduate to train as BD Engineer	Otj Recruitment Ltd
51	7/9/2009	Trainee Engineer – Medical Instruments	ATA Selection
52	9/9/2009	Graduate Sales Engineer	Citizen Manufacturing Recruitment
53	9/9/2009	Graduate Analyst	Gemploy.com
54	9/9/2009	Graduate Engineer	Adecco
55	10/9/2009	Graduate Trainee	CMC Consulting Limited
56	10/9/2009	Wind Farm Operational Controller	Natural Power Consultants Ltd‏
57	11/9/2009	Graduate Engineer in Hertfordshire	CV Register.com Ltd
58	14/9/2009	Graduate – Applied Controls‏	Cummins HR Services
59	15/9/2009	Implementation Consultant	Iken Business Ltd
60	16/9/2009	Leicester Hinckley (Midlands), Academy, Electrical Engineering	Mouchel
61	17/9/2009	Sales Application Engineer	Hima-Sella Limited
62	17/9/2009	Engineer	Peek Traffic Ltd
63	17/9/2009	Trainee Engineer	Better Prospects